Marriage and sexuality
Communication can help make your wedding night memorable
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The morning after might just be the most romantic – and sexiest – part of your wedding night.
If, like many couples, you’re exhausted after your wedding and reception, getting a good night’s
sleep can make better sense than forcing yourselves to perform.
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No planning for marriage
is complete without some thought, and some conversation, about intimate issues.
One of the core purposes of marriage is to put a public seal of approval
on a couple’s sexual relations. In many religious traditions, this aspect of marriage is tightly
linked to procreation and raising children. Many of the oldest wedding traditions are, in fact,
based on wishes for sexual compatibility and fertility.
The honeymoon – traditionally, that sweet month when couples escaped from
the world’s cares together - was always explicitly meant to help husband and wife bond physically
and emotionally.
Ideas about marriage among 21st-century couples are far more diverse than
in their parents’ or grandparents’ time. This includes widespread acceptance of couples sharing a
household before they officially “tie the knot.” The most recent data from Cape Fear Wedding readers
shows that 86 percent of engaged couples were living together as they planned their weddings in 2006
and 2007.
Even so, the wedding night still holds a special place in couples’ imaginations.
To ensure that yours remains a delightful memory, consider these suggestions.
Be realistic
First, above all, don’t demand too much of yourselves. By the time you have
said your last good-bye and locked the bedroom door behind you, there’s a very good chance you’ll
both be exhausted. You also may still be floating in a little cloud of champagne bubbles. Collapsing
into bed together to sleep – and then bouncing back into each other’s arms the next morning – may
be the most romantic idea of all. Don’t force love-making if you’re not up for it.
For couples who already have a sexual relationship, extending the wedding night
into the next morning shouldn’t be an issue. In fact, surveys show many couples don’t consider making
love the first night after the wedding to be an important objective.
Set your priorities.
If it’s important for you to get away alone, don’t let yourself get
overscheduled. For friends and relatives who may try to intrude on your time, give them a friendly
but firm reminder: “Remember, this IS our wedding night.”
If you take seriously the value of saving your first sexual union for after
your wedding, plan for it. Pace yourself in your partying, and make your exit early enough to enjoy
the rest of the evening. Most of all, talk with each other well ahead of time. Be open, and listen
carefully, about your expectations – for the wedding night itself, and for the honeymoon. And, of
course, for the rest of your lives together.
Advice for brides
- See your gynecologist in the months before the wedding. This will ensure you’re not taken by
surprise by any medical issue.
- If you aren’t planning on having children right away, don’t forget to consider the question
of birth control, and pack the appropriate supplies.
- If your wedding night will be your first time, give yourself plenty of leeway –- in how you
plan your time, and in your own expectations. Focus on getting to know this special aspect of your
new spouse, not on some imagined level of physical excitement. That’s one of the beauties of a
honeymoon: You can practice all you want, as often as you want!
- The most important word: Communicate, communicate, communicate. You can’t expect your spouse
to fulfill your most cherished romantic dream if you haven’t said what it is.
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