Cape Fear Wedding: Wedding gifts and thank-yous

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The bridal planner for Wilmington and the beaches of Southeastern North Carolina

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   For openers: You'll probably get wedding presents from people you don't even know. That's because all gifts, even those from guests of your fiance's family, are usually sent to the bride. But the only people obligated to give gifts are those who accept invitations to your reception. And if it's your second wedding, or your fiance's, those who sent a gift before may not give again.
   To make gift-giving less of a guessing game for all your friends and relatives, sign up with the Wedding Gift Registry at your favorite store or online shopping site. List items you'd like to receive in all price ranges. Guests can select the gifts they like and can afford. The consultants will check off each item purchased in that store, but do let them know when you get something from another place.
   Under wraps: Have fun unwrapping -- just be careful that no cards get separated from their packages or that checks get lost. As you unwrap each gift, list it in a special book, along with a description, the senders name and address, and the date it arrived. Leave space for the date you mail a thank you note. And star those presents for the bridal consultant to check off on your Wedding Gift Registry- keep it up to date.
   Many thanks: Send a personal, handwritten thank-you note for each gift you receive -- even if it's from a close friend you've thanked in person and see every day. You don't have to send written thanks to your fiance or your parents, though they might love finding a surprise note in a pocket or on their pillow. Keep up with your notes by writing as each gift comes in. And do try to send a thank you within two weeks after a gift arrives -- no later than one month after your honeymoon.
    Traditionally, thank-you notes are written in blue or black ink on white or off-white folded notepaper, four by five-and-a-half inches. You may send decorated or imprinted notes, too, but always include a hand-written message. Your name or monogram may be printed on the notes if you wish, but your married name or initial should not be used until after the wedding.
    When writing, be brief but specific. In the first sentence, mention the gift itself ("the linen tablecloth"). If you don't know what to call it, refer to it by color or material ("the pretty blue glass piece.") Next, say something more about the present. Finish with some other thought besides "thank you," like a comment on the wedding plans, then say thanks again. When thanking a married couple, address both husband and wife. If you receive a single gift from a large group (like your co-workers, or dorm-mates), send one note to the group as a whole, but if the joint gift is from two or three people, write to each one separately. Sign off with your first and last names or just your first- using your new married name only after the wedding!
   Happy returns: No matter how careful you are about registering your preferences, you're bound to get duplicates or gifts you just don't want. Since no one likes to think that his gift was exchanged, take back only those items you're sure the giver will never know about. Otherwise, keep the gift. And never ask someone to exchange a present he or she gave you. Do it yourself if you know where it came from. The same is true for a damaged gift, unless it was sent by the giver through the mail and insured. Avoid mentioning anything about returned gifts or duplications in your thank you note. Instead, thank the givers for their lovely thought.

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